some people get married so that they can blame everything on their spous.

although i don't think you're right on point I do think you make a pretty good point on both. My take on marraige: I see no difference in the underlaying feeling that's supposed to be there when comparing actually going through marraige ceremonies and spending the rest of your life with your SO. People think that marraige absolutely must follow falling in love and making a desicion to build a life with this person because most people are sheep and never think that maybe I don't have to get married, maybe that's not as important as focusing our energies on developing a life together. I think too many women have been brain washed into believing, hoping for and expecting the perfect life with prince charming that if for some reason they don't follow the expected path they (in part due to freinds and family) start to feel like less of a worthy person or woman. as for the unwilling part, I think too many people are unwilling to work at life, they think that they want the nice house, loving SO, job that pays well and is satisfying beyond just a paycheck. But they never stop and think that to get the lovely house they actually have to plan for it, not be financially irresponsible, be a giving person to the SO, etc...

you are so right!! My ex thought financial security just fell out of the sky.....we agreed on/worked torward NOTHING THE ENTIRE time we were married. I was okay with this in the beginning, but after the little showed. That got old FAST!

if I had of stayed????? the same dysfunctional situation would still be going on....no job (for months at a time), bills out of control, irresponsiblity, passive aggressive behavior...sometimes you just need to move on.

what a shame that there's a in the picture. What do people not think of these things before they either commit to someone, get married or have ren?

it wasn't always that way.... and it appears that we get along "better" now. no more arguing about money, intonation, misinterpreting of each others motive...etc... No plans on not getting along with(or event liking) the person you've married. I know I didn't.

sounds like of those situations where you get along ok, but just can't be married to each other.

exactly.... like horses on separate race tracks... I think he is still very angry with me but, I've got to look out for myself and our little I think he is a fine person...but I just couldn't continue on with the dysfunctional behavior...he is a little too senstive to day to day matters.

On love People are more in love with their concept of love, than love itself. If truly loved another person, they would accept the bad and the good. Just like the Billy Joel song "Just The Way You Are". There are parts of person that you like. There are also parts you do not like. To love someone is to accept the person as a whole being, instead of just loving certain parts.

sorry, i don't buy the part of accepting someone for the whole thing. I can accept someone's flaws, but I can't love that person because to love them is to be with them for the rest of their life which also means to be with those flaws. Too many people use the accepting of flaws as a way to not have to improve the person they are.

Love and Growth Seems like you do not know what love is. Love is unconditional acceptance. Everybody has flaws, everybody makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Love is accepting people for who they are, letting go of your judgments. Love is also about giving, it is never about receiving, nor expecting anything from any This is love. Love is not about receiving. That is liking. You like when this person does this for you, that for you, etc. You like it when someone treats you a certain way. This is liking. Growth is about improving. You like it when someone improves who they are. You like it when someone is mature. Though you cannot force someone to change, you can always love that person, encourage growth, and hope they get it.

you want a perfect human being?

not perfect but someone who makes a concious effort to understand themselves and become a better person. Not for their SO but for themselves. Because in the end when you take the family, and job and house away, the person has only themselves and if they tried to become the best they could they're that much better or it. Their are way too many people who have no desire and too much fear to become the best they can.

We live in a disposable society Nothing is long term anymore, not jobs, not finances and especially not marriage. What example do the ren have now? What they see is : If it isn't working out, DON'T work harder ~ just toss it away.

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